"You have your hands full."

      I suppose it is appropriate that a woman with three children should receive three standard sayings from people.  Well, here is my trifecta.  The third comment I receive at least once every time I'm in public is, "You have your hands full."

     I should preface this by saying that I'm very fortunate to have children who, nine times out of ten, behave in public.  And yes, I have witnesses if you think I am exaggerating.  I suppose this is because I have shown them if they have a major temper tantrum, I have no problem in leaving a full cart of groceries and immediately escorting them out of a store.  So, I am often puzzled when I hear this remark.

     There are some who say it in a helpful manner, as they are holding the door for our entourage to make its way through.  I smile and thank these individuals, because I don't think they mean anything by their comment.  They are so used to seeing families with no more than two children (if even that), and they believe they are helping out in some small way.  (And believe me, if you are holding the door or letting us go ahead in line, then you are a tremendous help!)

     Then there are the people who look at us in passing and make the comment, emphasizing the "you", and going about their merry way.  I've gotten to the point that I want to stop and ask them, "What do you say to the mothers of children who aren't behaving?"  I guess they just ignore those parents all together.  Maybe their comment comes from me keeping up a steady stream of banter with my children, even the baby who can't answer yet.  That may seem crazy, but it actually saves my sanity to keep them occupied with whatever wacky thing I'm going to say next.

     So, if you mean well, keep the comments coming.  If you're making this particular one because you're not sure what to say, how about complimenting my children on their good behavior instead?  And if we're having one of those "off" days, please ignore us and just keep on walking . . .

You did that with all three of them?

So, I get this question a lot, too.  "You did that with all of them?", sometimes followed with "By yourself?"  This always come from people with fewer than three children or no kids at all.

Yes, it may be a shocker, but we don't sit around at home all day long.  (This is called maintaining your sanity.)  I take my kids, by myself, to do all sorts of things such as walks, errands, museums, and petting zoos.  The above picture is from Kings Dominion, and I will freely admit that I did not tackle this trip alone.  My mother met us there, because, after all, the baby can't go on rides, and someone had to wait with her while another adult rode with the older children.  Also, while Kings Dominion is fun, it is no Disney World, with their superb customer service!

My friends who ask this question do so in a praising sort of way, saying they don't know how I manage to shower, much less go away on day trips.  Let's be honest . . . we don't take off for Natural Bridge Zoo every day, and there are times when it is virtually impossible to take a shower.  It's not all lollipops and rainbows around here.  We have our fair share of chaos, just like any other household.

The reality is, it wouldn't be fair to my older children to stay at home all the time just because there is a new baby in the house.  They still deserve to play lacrosse, go to the pool, and make huge, messy art projects.  Also, third children like to have noise around them all the time and to be on the go . . . it's what they are used to doing.  Our little one screams bloody murder if you sit around too long.  She wants to be out seeing the world and charming the next stranger we come across.

Of course, there are strangers who ask this question in a condemning tone, as if I personally affronted them by having another child and daring to take my progeny out in public.  Those are the people at whom we politely smile, wish a good day, and then ignore.

The Question

Ever since the birth of our third child, I get what I like to call "The Question", also known as, "Do you think you are done?"  It often comes from complete strangers.  I would like to respond with, "It's none of your business," but I was raised with good southern manners.  I usually say, "I think so, but God may have other plans."  That's polite enough, right?

The other question I get, which is phrased in a much nicer way, is "So, how is it with three?"  This usually comes from mothers of two children, so I give them the benefit of the doubt that they may be considering a third child.  I try to answer as honestly a possible.  Most days, that's easy.  Every now and then, when I'm ready to commit myself to the funny farm, I err on the side of caution so I don't send that mother running and screaming in the opposite direction.

How is it with three?  Or should I say three kids, a husband, a dog, three cats, a fish, two birds, and three hermit crabs?  In some ways, it is easy.  You've already been through the baby stuff twice, so you don't worry you're going to break them, and you know that sometimes babies just have to cry.  Your older children already understand that sometimes your attention has to be divided.  My kids are far enough apart that they can do some things for themselves and also help out with the baby.  These are all the positives.

I wouldn't say that there are negatives, but some things are tough.  Scheduling, for instance.  The baby naturally wants to take naps at the same time as preschool and elementary school pick-up.  Since my older children's schools don't have buses, that means the baby is always interrupted in her daytime sleeping.  Now that it's summer, I have a hard time figuring out how to get three people to three different places.  It always seems like one has camp here, the other has a doctor's appointment there, and the baby needs to nurse at exactly that moment.  We are slowly but surely figuring it all out.

While the kids seem fine and happy, I have moments when I feel like I'm not able to give them enough individual attention.  I try to focus on doing one thing a day with each of them, such as discussing a book with my oldest and building train track with my middle child.  (As an infant, the baby is getting plenty of one-on-one time!)

My advice if you are considering allowing the children to outnumber the adults in your household?  Go for it.  The amazing moments I have every single day far outwiegh the unhappy insanity (we've got plenty of happy craziness around here, but who wouldn't want that?)