I received the April/May 2013 issue of Working Mother magazine in the mail today. I am not quite sure why I started getting this in the first place, as I know I do not fit the publication's definition of their title. Oh, sure, I homeschool my three children, keep the household going, and sell handmade things on etsy, but this magazine caters to those mothers who hold employment outside the home. I often just toss the magazine into the pile the kids may cut up for artwork. Today, I decided to read it, and boy, did I learn quite a bit.
First, I do not want to argue about who has a harder job: stay at home mothers, working moms, or single parents. If you are a mother, you work, period. I have friends who meet all different "motherhood" criteria, and each one of them works every single day, in one capacity or another. The reason I actually bothered to read this issue was because I thought it might have some insightful tips on how to juggle all of my various hats - even though I'm not a "Working Mother."
The first page to which I flipped had an article that caught my eye because the title was "Kids, Birds, and Bees." I had the whole puberty conversation with my older daughter (then nine years old, now ten) just a few months ago. Thanks to her maturity and the assistance of American Girl's The Caring and Keeping of You, the conversation was a success. She asked several appropriate questions and has initiated some talks since then. So, when I saw the piece in Working Mother, I thought it was perfect timing, especially with the first subheading reading "Time it right."
Well, according to Tammy Tucker, DO, I am almost two years too late! This physician wrote to speak with your child " - usually around age 8 . . . Set aside time to chat, so you're not competing with an episode of Good Luck, Charlie" (17). The first problem I see with this statement . . . an eight-year-old should not be watching this show! We previewed this Disney production before letting our kids watch it, and thank goodness we did. It is full of sexual references and innuendo. Of course, that helps me understand the good doctor a bit better - if this is what you are choosing to allow your children to watch, maybe you better go ahead and have the sex talk before your child ends up with a Charlie of her own.
That brings me to my second point. I know plenty of critics will say that children are becoming sexually active at a young age, so they need "the talk" sooner. I would respectfully interject that if we paid more attention to what our kids are watching, reading, and playing on the Xbox, then we would not be explaining intercourse to our babies before they are emotionally ready to handle the topic. What about the things they hear from their peers, you say? Be more selective concerning with whom your children play. I know it requires a lot more work on your part - you need to know the other parents, step out into the yard occasionally and listen to what the children are saying, and have conversation with your kids about their playtime - but that is the commitment you are supposed to make when you are a parent, no matter what road led to you becoming one. Also, even if you have talked about puberty and sex with your child, remind them that not all children have that conversation with their parents at the same time. In other words, when you go out to play, have fun. You do not need to quiz little Johnny or Susie on the birds and the bees. My oldest, having two younger siblings, knew how a baby came out (although not how it was made) much earlier than most of her friends, yet she did not go shouting all the details on the playground, precisely because she had been taught about appropriate conversation.
As for the rest of the magazine, it was mostly word choice and language usage that jumped out at me. I came away feeling as if this publication's unstated purpose is to create a division between different classifications of "mothers" and to ignore fathers as equal helpmates. For instance, on an article about military families, the subtitle reads, "The men who serve in our armed forces make enormous sacrifices - and so do their working-mom spouses back home" (49.) I do not want anyone to misunderstand me, so let me make this clear: ALL military families make enormous sacrifices to keep the rest of us safe. THANK YOU for all that you do. Military spouses (husband, wife, working-outside-home, stay-at-home, working-inside-home, homeschooling, etc) deal with situations and emotions that most of us can never understand. No matter what their occupation, a military spouse in a two-parent household may be fearing for their significant other while keeping up a brave front for their children. Single parents who are deployed have to worry if their child/ren is/are happy and feel loved staying with relatives or friends. I know that the military spouses do an excellent job of providing support for one another. I would like to suggest that the rest of us be just as supportive to our military families, no matter what the "employment" status. Thank a veteran, active service member, and their family the next time you see them. Trust me, it will make your heart happy.
The one other statement in this issue I felt I must mention concerned solutions to problems often presented by "working" mothers to Carol Evans, President of Working Mother Media. Problem number one talked about being overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to be done when the mother arrives home from her outside employment. (Let me just say that I, too, become overwhelmed, and I am home most days, doing what, for me, is my greatest work.) Ms. Evans response to the question was "Train your husband to take responsibility for housework by giving up control" (100). Now, I agree with the idea behind this statement - women need to not be so obsessive about how the housework gets done, as long as it is finished. However, "train?" Seriously? My husband is not Fido, although Lassie would be helpful some days. I learned long ago that if I ask my husband to do something, he is usually quite willing. It never was a case of him not wanting to help; rather, it was as if all the messes were invisible to him. If I tried to train him to do things my way, we would have divorced years ago.
Now that you have suffered through all my opinions, please let me say this. I truly believe in live and let live. Many of the ideas espoused in Working Mother do not work for our family or the way in which we want our children to be raised. If the magazine works for you and helps you to be a better parent, then by all means, read it. Meanwhile, if it still arrives in our mailbox, it will be going into the cut-for-art-projects pile.
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